Beginning of a journey.

As I sat in the cold, I didn't half-expect or even strongly hope to see you.
It puzzled me; usually I'd long for it.

A moment of clarity in the midst of various states of intoxication that took all doubt away suddenly washed over me.
I discovered I'm mirroring myself in you and living off my vices.

They keep me sane, (the border's alarmingly close, though)
I lie to myself and become diseased, oozing false truths, assumptions and wrong encouragements.

The flashback-like feeling that rushes through me, making my neck tingle and skin tinge with a reddish glow when you snap at me or ignore me is approaching too much in my head and I'm approaching the state I was in a year ago.

A salvia trip: a short-lived, intense sensation that feels like an eternity. Familiarity is painful; I can relate to that drug and the tripping without ever having experienced it concretely. Just through you.

I'd love to ascend from the memory of this, But I fear I might be down here a while.
Thankfully I can nearly say I'm allright, but the words are still too mumbled to decipher in my head. Not just yet.

Optophobia's setting in again, good night for some time.
People, places, feelings, habits, situations become strong addictions in an instant.
I can't keep up yet; listen to me.
I'm in detox and my rehab consists of solitude, people, coffee, cigarettes and clarity.